Lots of things run through my mind on this trip, and I have made lots of little notes of those thoughts. I figured since I have little else to write about right now, and many weeks have lapsed again, I’d just post some of them with random pictures from random times.
Without further adieu, I give you a glimpse into my head at different times on this trip.
-Screen 1: Attractive woman walking down the street in Edinburgh talking on the phone.
“I don’t know. He’s nice and… I mean… what am I doing with my life?” * she says walking down the street smiling.
I’m sure she has that nagging voice in the back of her head telling her to put that smile on as she says those words. If she doesn’t she’ll cry from the depth of that rhetorical question, as she probably does when she’s alone in her apartment.
A) I hope that isn’t how people make potentially life altering decisions.
B) what are any of us doing with our lives? I don’t necessarily believe that there is a “meaning of life”, but the question of “What am I doing?” Has been going through my mind a lot lately. I’m as clueless as I was when I started traveling. I don’t think I’ll “find any answers”, but I am becoming acutely aware of the fact that I have real problems turning down people asking for money on the street, and that all I want to do is eat, drink, and ride… if someone could provide me with the means to do that indefinitely that would be great. Product testing, road reviews, delivery, whatever you need I’m up for it. Lol.
Addendum to things I’ve learned on July 24th
I’ve also learned that I enjoy people’s company more than I ever wanted to admit. It makes sense. I’m a middle child. I’ve always had people present. Even if we aren’t talking or doing something I like the company. I am working on my conversational skills during this trip. Hopefully I get better.
People may not have noticed, but I share more things that I think are beautiful and typically associated with things women find beautiful. I think people who know me best would agree that sharing pictures of flowers and admitting that I had spent extended time in a rose garden is out of character. But, I’m tired or repressing enjoyment to keep up a facade. It took me 32 years to accept that “being yourself” is a good thing. I’m a slow learner. 😉
English sounds foreign in a way. Not just because it’s Scottish, because it’s unusual to me. This is a thought from just after getting to Edinburgh after 2.5 months in Spain, Portugal, France, and the Netherlands.
-The question returns. “What am I doing?” The answer still doesn’t come. I know I couldn’t find the path forward while working at oxy, but am I learning anything that will lead me to my new path? I definitely don’t feel the need to return to engineering yet. When I did my study abroad I came home with an understanding that all I wanted to take was math, chemistry, physics, and engineering courses. I had no need or appreciation for the other sciences, or “humanities”. Now, I feel a little more lost than in college and I don’t know if I’ll come out of this with any more guidance than I started with. Which is scary. Mostly because, if I’m honest, I’m kind of tired of constantly being on the move alone. I’m a loner by nature, but occasionally I like just being in the company of someone that I’m totally comfortable with. I’ve met so many great people so far, but for the most part they’re all “flashes in the pan.” A brief moment of lightness and fun. And then they’re gone.
-My birthday was, as is always the case, a rather low-key affair. It just kind of passed by. It reminded me a lot of my 21st in some ways. This birthday was a birthday where things were different than previous birthdays. Things have changed and are continuing to change. Similarly, on my 21st I had a low-key day of going to work in the custom electronics lab in the physics department at KU, and then that evening I bought a six-pack of either Guinness or Samuel Adam’s stout (something dark), and dropped by Adam, Drew, and Robby’s apartment (I think one or two weren’t there). I drank a beer and returned to my apartment with most of a six-pack. My 32nd was much the same. I went out, drank coffee and beer, walked through parks and such until my feet and calves were sore, and returned to my bed without really speaking to anyone.
I’m not trying to get pity or something. I had a good day. Much like many other good days.
What I want, though, is that if you have the intention or reflex of saying something like “I’m sorry your birthday wasn’t ____.”, I would rather you stop for a second and just appreciate the “permanent” people around you that make your birthday’s so special.
I don’t need or want any pity because I was alone on my birthday. I’ve been alone for many birthdays. It’s fine. I know who cares about me, and had I been around any of them I’m sure it would have been a different day. Maybe not a rockin’ party, but better.
-The last time I was at a jazz concert (saw live jazz) was a in February of last year (2015) with two people I think of often. One I think of too much. She was the only interest in my life outside of cycling (which she also did), and work (lol). The other person because I felt he was a threat to me being with her. That jazzy night was the night she told me it wasn’t going where I wanted it to go. Not in words, but I could feel something in the way she was acting and the way she reacted to the life stories of an older more experience man. The words came shortly after.
As with most people that I feel threatened by before getting to know them, I have grown to really enjoy and respect the opinion and experiences of the other person from that night. I think he also thinks of her on occasion.
God I love good jazz!
Brew Bot crew and random travellers having a beach day in Belfast.
Sometimes things hit you in an odd way. Tonight a guy I barely spoke with said “Alright man, see you in another life.”
A common phrase, but he said it in a very matter of fact way. Nothing indicating a lighthearted natured. The tone kind of caught me off guard. It made me feel happy and sad and all kinds of mixed up for a second. Odd times…
Black falls, or something like that, outside Pitlochry, Scotland.
That’s all for now, folks. Except a few more random pics in no particular order.
2 thoughts on “A glimpse of random thoughts ”
I can imagine it would get lonely traveling for so long. I get lonely working from home sometimes. I’ve been thinking about my birthday too, turning 30 seems like a big deal for some reason. I told Mom that I feel like if you’re not changing the world or having kids then life is pretty pointless… so that’s how I feel lately.
I’m proud of you for working on your conversation skills though and finding people to hang out with or chat with as you go. Wish I could travel a bit of your journey with you. Love you.
Eh. There are plenty of people changing the world and having kids. There are plenty of other ways to enjoy life, most of which the people changing the world and having kids will never have the chance to experience. As they say “you always want what you don’t/can’t have”. However, you probably have something those other people want…